I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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