I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
