conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
