I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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