she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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