my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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