the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
