He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
