dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
