You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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