Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
