The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
