Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
