You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
