lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
