Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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