If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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