A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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