My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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