Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Such a big mess for such a small penis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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