Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
