you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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