How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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