I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
