we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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