Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
