We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
