Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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