That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
