i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
