first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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