Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
