wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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