I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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