Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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