My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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