Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
false alarm, still single
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