You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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