he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I AM VODKA MAN
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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