yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
