he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
