What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
