quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
