I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
