p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
