They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
