I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
