The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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