bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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