I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
