If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
