i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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