you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize