The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
