I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
