one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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