I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
