You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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