Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
