Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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