none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
