So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
