i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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