I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
