Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
