found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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