i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
